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700 Miles of Regret- Angel and Faith

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[25 Apr 2006|06:31pm]

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Vegas: Here we come [13 Mar 2006|12:23pm]

[ mood | content ]

I had to say, now that everything was over, things were much better. Besides the fact that well … there’s barely anyone around because of the disease that went through to possibly the world, but it was better because now I wasn’t some … whatever I was. The would be anti-christ and Faith wasn’t my bride. I was glad she was okay, more than glad, I was relieved. I knew that if I lost her, I pretty much lost everything and it was her that got us out of this. I owed her a lot and I was going to give her whatever she wanted that I could well … get. That’s why when she wanted to go to Vegas, I pretty much said yes. Well, that and the way she was acting toward me. I craved her and I haven’t had that in a long time. She was something that I wanted to hold onto.

Thinking about the times that I actually wanted someone like that close to me, well, there was Buffy. That was a long time ago and now … well, she was gone. I don’t think it hit me yet. Really hit me. It was like I was blocking that out. Maybe that was for the best. Then Cordelia. I remember a time which actually wasn’t that long ago when I did want her. I cared for her and loved her and then … everything went crazy and her and Connor. I still remember that night, listening … I can’t even think about it right now because now my son and her are … gone as well. That hasn’t hit me yet either. Some part of me hopes it never will. Glancing over at Faith as I drove, I grinned at the look she was giving me.

“You know, you are …” I trailed off to stop myself because I knew that was something that she wouldn’t want to hear. She was different from Buffy in the way to be treated and what to say. Buffy wouldn’t mind me telling her that she was beautiful, but Faith … I wasn’t sure how she’d react. So I didn’t say anything. Instead I just smiled and shook my head before looking back at the road.

The drive wasn’t that long and it helped out that there was a gas station that was abandoned, but the pumps still worked. I filled up on gas while Faith roamed the store, coming out pretty much empty handed besides some packs of cigarettes that were probably stale. Not that I would know, I would just figure. Once she was back in the car, I sped off and it wouldn’t be that long until we were finally in Las Vegas.

Once we were there, going down the strip, it looked … like nothing I thought it was going to look like. I already knew it would be pretty much abandoned, but there were a few people out on the street, not a lot, nothing like it usually is. Like a dead town. Which of course, it was. But, I also thought that it would be run down almost. Like everything on the strip would be looted, but it wasn’t. People were going into the casino’s of course, doing whatever it is they were doing, but that was pretty much it. Maybe they still had some type of hope.

Right now? All me and Faith had was a need to rest and not have to worry. I wondered how long that would last.

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You live and you burn [11 Jan 2006|08:42am]

[ mood | predatory ]

My toes were practically curling when suddenly our door burst open. Narrowing my eyes I glanced up from the bed to see Wesley holding a gun. Wesley? And I wasn't the only one who noticed him either. Suddenly Angel wasn't inside of me anymore and instead he was standing up and glaring at our intruder. What?

"You're dead." I hissed at him as he raised the gun and pointed it directly at Angel.

"So's he." He said in a low voice as the dart struck Angel square in the chest. I watched him through wide eyes as he fell backwards and hit the floor, passed the fuck out.

"No! Fuck. NO!" I yelled, diving to the floor still bare ass naked as I shook Angel hard, tryin' to get him to wake up. We needed to do this before sunrise or else everything was gonna be for nothin'. "Angel. Angel! Baby, wake up!" I yelled, still shakin' the vamp on the floor sleepin' like the living dead. Which I guess was technically what he was. With another muted curse I pulled the dart out of his chest. I looked it over with a frown before tossin' it to the floor. He couldn't do this to me. He couldn't fucking do this! He was dead and I was so very alive. Wesley could only haunt me, what the fuck was he doing shooting things? Last week Angel couldn't even see him, he could only look at me like I was fucking crazy and talkin' to myself.

He might've ruined my plans for the night but I wasn't about to sit in this hotel room and let everything go to shit just cause some dead Watcher decided to get in my way. Scrambling to my feet I pulled back on the torn wedding dress and bolted out of the door as fast as slayer speed would carry me. I was gonna have this. Who the hell did Wes think he was? It wasn't like he was just dealing with some little girl anymore. No. Faith had left the building and something much better had filled the vacancy. I was gonna be Queen of this damned planet if it fucking killed me. And I wasn't about to let an overzealous watcher get in my way.

I followed the scuff marks in the sand, further into the desert until I heard a struggle up ahead. Wesley was battling a demon. A gigantic snarling demon and Wes was fighting it. I think some small part of me just wanted to tilt my head to the side and watch the grace he moved with now. I never remembered Wes moving like that before. Was it cause he was dead now? Funny how I couldn't seem to care. Right now I was just focused on sending him back to a permanant hell. Emphasis on the permanant. As Wesley struck the monster again things started to make sense and I felt the power radiating off the demon. This wasn't just any demon, this was the power source. The demon that had started it all in Angel. It had infected him, made him stronger, made us stronger and now Wesley was trying to kill it.

Lunging towards him I slammed my fist into his jaw, sending him staggering away from the demon. It turned black eyes on me before lumbering off further into the desert as Wesley slowly pulled himself to his feet and stared at me.

"Something is wrong with you, Faith. Now step aside so I can help you."

"You're trying to help me?" A snicker slipped through my lips as I looked him over. "That's a fucking joke. The only thing you're doing is destroying everything I've worked for. I guess that's par for the course for you though, isn't it? Always finding some new way to fuck me over."

"That's not true and somewhere deep down I know some part of you exists that understands this is wrong. Angel has been infected by a demon and you've been effected by the ritual to join the two of you. The only way to break the spell is to kill that demon. I've worked out a favor so I can help you but you must-" I didn't need to hear anymore from his stupid sniveling mouth. Instead I punched him in it again and watched him fall to the sand.

"I was afraid it would come to this." He mumbled before swiping my feet out from under me. Before I could recover he rolled over on top of me and slammed my head down on the ground before smashing his fist into my chin. So hard I could feel the blood trickling from my lip. When the fuck did Wes get so strong? It must have been part of whatever deal he'd made.

I flung him off of me hard and the two of us sprung to our feet. This was gonna be tricky considering all the new tricks Wes had picked up. I didn't waste any time and threw a punch at him only for to catch my wrist halfway through. Using his own momentum I flung my legs over to the side and swung him around hard. But at the last minute he wrapped his foot around my ankle and landed me flat on my face, sand on my tongue.

By the time I got back to my feet again Wes was heading after the demon into the desert. Bursting into a sprint I followed him but Wes wasn't just stronger he was faster now too. Whatever force had made him like this gave him all the added benefits, I could hardly keep up. He just kept gettin' further and further ahead of me. Finally I stopped at the top of a dune and looked down on the desert below to see Wesley attacking the creature again. This time he got the upperhand, trading blow for blow and when he snapped it's neck I screamed at the top of my lungs before I sank down to my knees.


It was over and I was gone. With one last regretful look at the dead demon before I collapsed on the sand.

Walking down to the beach, I sat on the same cliff I'd been sittin' on ever since all those people started migrating down to L.A. Just sit there for hours and watch 'em talk and hang out and sit around the fires. This little bit of civilization left over and I never hung out with them. Not really. I knew that at some point I'd have to talk to someone besides Angel or Wes but for now I just watched over them. Someone had to, right?

"What's going on?" I finally asked Wes as he sat down next to me, both of us watching the ocean waves crash against the shore.

"Silvartnes demon. It infects it's host and apparently had been looking for Angel for quite some time. It was the last of it's tribe and needed a being stronger than most to fulfill it's plans." He explained to me like he always explained everything to me. I had come to count on him for shit like this. He was the smart one. Funny how I had to die before he really became my watcher.

"You saved us. But how?" I turned my head to look up at him as he gazed solemnly out into the ocean.

"I made a bargain with the powers that be. A return with extra...added benefits to save you and Angel in return for...my soul."

"What? What do you mean your soul?" I demanded. Was he saying what I thought he was saying.

"It means that you and I won't be having any more chats as I'll have to leave this plane of existance. They let me come back one last time, but only while you were sleeping. I can no longer watch over you and Angel, Faith. The two of you are on your own." His voice was so calm, like he'd really just accepted the hell that we were both afraid he was going to end up in.

"What? Wes, you can't leave me! I can't do this without you!" Quickly I got to my feet and he did the same.

He was the one thing that had kept me sane on that long ass walk from Cleveland to L.A. Talking to him kept me grounded, kept me from givin' up on everyone and everything. I never would've been able to kill The Guardian if it hadn't been for him.

"You can and you will." A sad smile etched his features as he finally turned to face me. "A new civilization is about to spring from this one, and I trust you and Angel to keep them safe. You no longer need me, Faith. Besides it's time I moved on."

I felt tears stinging at the corners of my eyes, royally pissed off at how unfair it was. It wasn't fair that I finally got to be this cool with Wes after he was dead. But I guess in a way I was grateful that I got the oppurtunity.

"Wes, I know I never told you this before but I wanted you to know that I'm sorry for all the shit that went down between us." He raised his hand to cut me off before I could say anything more.

"Faith, there's no need to apologize. What's past is past, and since this will be my last oppurtunity to say so I wanted you to know that I'm proud of the slayer...of the person you've become."

I swallowed hard, the two of us sharing a long look and a moment of silence cause we both knew this was it. This was the end for him and only the beginning for me. Maybe I'd see him again someday. Actually I was sure he could count on it.

"I guess this is goodbye." I finally said quietly, a thousand words dying between the two of us but at this point we didn't even need words to communicate.

"So it is." He echoed back, moving a few steps and crossing the gap between us. His fingertips strayed up to my face to brush a strand of dark hair away from my eyes. Before I knew it he had his arms wrapped around me and my lips were pressed to his. Long and hard and full of so much that it was just kind of like our entire relationship, ya know? Afterwards he kept his forehead pressed to mine for a moment, his fingers slowly letting go of the back of my neck. "Protect the innocent." He whispered before pulling away.

With one last look he turned away from me and started walking along the shoreline, straight into the sun. Except it wasn't so much like the sun anymore and more like a giant supernova that exploded as he walked into it, blinding me in the process.

Opening my eyes I pressed my palms into the sand and propped myself up, looking around. But the only thing left was an empty hollow desert. I was really alone and Wes was gone.

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[10 Nov 2005|02:46pm]

The ritual didn't take long. Pretty much this was what was becoming of us. Was this my shanshu? No, but it was something better, something more powerful. I am finally something that mattered, mattered more than Angelus could ever think of. Even though I could hear him screaming inside of me to stop, what? Was he scared? Just like Faith who was back at home and waiting for me? Probably, but I knew what I was doing. I was saving us. Saving me. Of course, there will always be moments of weakness when Angel would shine through and try to change everything back, but right now? Right now none of it mattered.

I was now the most powerful vampire that ever walked. Dracula eat my dust, I thought with a grin.

Had to get back to the house so I could see my Faithy, I knew she was there waiting, possibly with a tranq gun, but hey, she's kinky like that.

One thing she would never know was how far this was all going. Powerful vampire? Yeah. Antichrist? Well, let's just say, that's powerful as well and that's what I was going to be. That's what I needed to be and I wasn't going to let Faith or Angel stop me from it.

I wasn't sure what I was now, but hell, I liked it.

Walking into the house, I slammed the door behind me and started unbuttoning my shirt. I was ready to get something that I've wanted all day, all night. Faith.

"Faith!" I grinned and let my shirt fall to the floor as I walked through the house. I could hear her breathing and I made my way to a small room that was off toward the side and that's where I saw her.

"What's wrong? Whatever is wrong, it doesn't matter now. It's all over." I told her. Which was true, only she didn't know what the extent of it was. Time to be an actor? Possibly. "Faith ... I need you," I said in a strangled voice. "Don't worry, it's all over, I took care of it."

Closing my eyes, I strained to keep Angel back, but he pushed his way through as I fell to the floor. Looking up at her, everything changed again and now I needed to stop this whole thing before it went too far.

"It's not over. Faith, it's me Angel, you need to stop him. He's ..." I glanced up at her and swallowed hard. She was so scared and I just wanted to hold her. Reaching out for her, I watched her as she stepped away. "Faith...stop him. It's something big ... something bigger than Angelus, it's ... he's going to be the antichrist. You need to stop him."
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milesofregret (Angel/Faith) [19 Oct 2005|12:26am]

I grinned as I walked out of the pretty little condo that Faith and I shared. She was scared, I could smell it. And confused. Which, I couldn't blame her. Have to say, I didn't understand all of this myself, but I knew one thing. This was going to change things forever, and in the good way. See, I was going to be something more powerful, more dangerous, more better, for her. She was all of those things, powerful, dangerous, yeah, yeah, get the point, read the memo and now I can be everything she wanted me to be. She hasn't said that she wanted me like that, but hey, I can feel it when she's on top of me, looking at me and grinning at me like she does while she's taking me to happy land. Gotta love that.

I could feel my body contracting and I knew that I had to get through the pain, there was always pain, there was always complications. That's the way of the world. Now I was heading toward my one salvation and it wasn't a small blonde. It was the face of everything that I was going to be.


I could see it all in my head, how everything would pan out and all I see is a happy ending. Pretty soon, I would be the most powerful vampire that was ever known and Faith? She'd be at my side through all of it, no matter what. If I had to pull her screaming and kicking, that's what I'd do because all of this? Was meant to be. This is what we were. Monsters, in the darkness. There were no more rainbows and puppies and lollipops. This was how it was.

It didn't take me long to get to where I was going, truth be told, it wasn't that far out of my way. Convenience, that's what it was for me. Because this was made for me. I could feel it in my bones, in my flesh and in the borrowed blood that was running through my veins. The slayer blood.

Got out of the car and looked around for a moment and I felt myself take a step back. No, this wasn't happening now. Rolling my neck, I pushed myself back mentally and took the next step. Walking inside the warehouse, a grin came to my lips as I saw the demon standing there.

"Stop walking."

Holding my hands out, I stopped. What could I do? Nothing, nothing at all. Just go for the ride, make me king and me and queen will ride out. That's what mattered.

"I came, so why don't you start with the mumbo jumbo and we can call it a night. I have a lady at home waiting for me."
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Don't lose your faith in love... [19 Sep 2005|09:36pm]

[ mood | curious ]

Angel wanted to go and find some other place to crash in and I didn't exactly blame him considering Wesley's old place was chock full of bad memories. Wes dyin', me almost dyin'. Soul Boy never took this kinda stuff lightly. Wanted to remind him that the whole city, the whole fucking planet was chock full of bad memories. Guess that's just the way it went when a government super flu wipes out most of the world. Little different for me I guess. Never took things half as hard as he did and May's death still kinda nagged at me, but most of my demon's were hidin' in Cleveland, Boston and what was now a giant crater in the ground. Sunnydale. Angel was the only person I knew who could find some way to blame a government virus on himself. Even if we had found out what the reason was and it had nothin' to do with him. Knew he was still beatin' himself up over what happened to me too. Didn't know why other than it must've been a painful reminder of how Wes had died. Still, you'd think he'd be a little less doom and gloom and a little more happy that I was actually alive. Nope. He couldn' tlook at it that way. he was too focused on the people that already died, too focused on the fact that he'd given up on me too soon. If I had woken up a few minutes later my only company would've been a pile of dust, and Wesley's ghost. It was kind've alot of pressure to put on one girl. Bein' the only reason Angel was even alive still. It was a little comforting and a little creepy to know that if I kicked the bucket tomorrow Angel'd be kissin' daylight come morning.

Soon as the sun set we gathered up all our stuff and piled it up in the back of Angel's ride. Almost forgot about Wesley's books until he showed up as I was puttin' the last of the weapons in the trunk. One stern clearing of the throat and I got the message loud and clear. Couldn't go nowhere without the boring books but honestly it was better to have them anyway. Never knew when the next big nasty would show up lookin' to throw down. Hopefully whatever it was would give us a little time to recooperate from The Guardian. Almost dyin' kinda takes it out of a girl.

We drove around by the beach for awhile before I saw a house that I just liked. Nothin' special about it, didn't know what it was, since it was a simple beach house but...I wanted it. Angel seemed a little reluctant but I had the feelin' he was still clingin' to the idea of movin' to Mexico. That kinda surprised me cause Angel? Not the kinda guy to give up and retire. Shit. He was the one who got all pep talky on me in another alleyway. People like u scouldn't ever give up, right? All the people wh owere left were all startin' to migrate back to L.A. and they were just a bunch of walkin' Happy Meals for any vamp lookin' for their next meal. Someone had to protect 'em, right? Who else was gonna do it? After a little prodding I finally got him to agree to check this place out.

Place was pretty nice, big and complete with fancy gay furniture that was all fucking poshe or whatever to make Angel happy. Heavy thick drapes to keep the sunlight out. Wesley's place had only been one floor but this place was three. Plenty of room for books and weapons and whatever the hell else we wanted to do. My favorite part of the house was the loft in the attic. There was a giant skylight that let the bright light of the moon shine through. Angel wasn't gonna be able to come up there during the daylight hours, which only sorta made me like it more. Besides, Angel had the advantage of bein' able to see in the dark and with no electricity? I coudln't see shit in the house without bringin' my trusty maglight everywhere with me. It wasn't until we started movin' shit in that I stumbled over the dead body in the bathroom. I wasn't all that surprised but I kinda freaked anyway. Too many dead bodies and a couple days ago I almost became one.

When Angel came into the living room with his arms full of books I was sittin' quietly in the dark.

"What's wrong?" He asked me.

I didn't know. I'd seen plenty of corpses, killed plenty of people myself. I'd seen almost everyone I knew wither and die. I didn't have any answers for him and he didn't ask anymore questions. The next time I went into the bathroom the body was gone. Angel must've taken care of it while I wasn't payin' attention.

Only took us a couple days to settle in. At night the two of us would patrol or just walk around, sit on the bluffs and watch the number of people rising every night, whatever we felt like doin'. During the day I would sometimes go out and try to find us more supplies. Food was gettin' a little harder to find but we still had a ton of canned stuff stocked up. Blood was almost impossible and I honestly had no idea what we were gonna do about that. Maybe some night we could take a ride out to a neighboring farm and...what? Butcher a pig? Assuming they weren't already all dead. Wicked gross. I'd leave that one u pto Angel, whatever he wanted to do? I'd have his back.

Took a few days after my brush with dead and the superflu to start feelin' hundred percent like my badass self again. I'd fallen asleep sometime in the afternoon and slept into the early evening. When I woke up I knew that the sun had already set because I wasn't pressed up against the usual cold body. He'd already gotten up and probably out without me. I shrugged as I stood up and stretched my arms over my head. I was sure I'd catch up with him before the night was over.

I was just lightin' up a smoke and thinkin' about gettin' dressed and headin' out when Angel roamed in lookin' a little rough around the edges. Looked like something had roughed him up tonight. Hopefully whatever it was hadn't been killed yet and we could do it together. I was itchin' for a little action.

"What happened to you?"

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I always knew I'd die alone [26 Aug 2005|05:34am]

There are times in your life when you feel that you've accomplished something, or that something meant something to you so much that it was an accomplishment in itself. I wanted to feel that so badly, but still, I couldn't. I let them all down. Wes, Gunn, Fred, Lorne, Connor and Cordy and now ... now it was Faith's turn. I stayed in the chair beside her as she slowly drifted and almost picked up the gun just to put her out of her misery. I knew that when I went, I wouldn't feel anything and it wasn't fair. She felt the pain, she coughed, heaved and it was something that I'd never have to see again. I'd never have to see it because I knew that when it was over, it was my turn and I'd meet the sunshine and it would tell me my own fate.

Holding onto her hand until the very end, I stayed and watched her until I couldn't do it anymore and everything came rushing at once. The pain and rage that I was now feeling was greater than I've ever felt it before I started tearing apart the small apartment that was once Wes'. She was laying in the same bed that I watched Wes die in and I wished it was me and not her. Or him. Or anyone that I knew that I had to watch. Even the people that I didn't watch.


Looking at her again, I swallowed hard and walked out of the room, determined to never see her again. Because honestly? I wasn't going to. Not where I was going and I'd like to think she wasn't going to be there, but Faith always said she'd be there, greeting everyone at the red firey gates. Is that why this happened? Is this why they sent her here? So I could suffer more, so she could suffer. We thought we changed it, saved the world, but we ended up not doing a damn thing because now she was dead and I was alone and the disease was probably still going on.

Grabbing a bottle of scotch, I opened the top and drank some of it down. Last drink. Barefoot, I padded along the hard wood floor to the front porch. Sitting myself down, I waited and waited, thinking about things that I could have changed, what I chose not to change and what I would have changed but knew there was no way I could.

I could smell the sunrise coming and I steadied myself, I knew it wasn't going to be painful. The sword was painful, this? This wouldn't be. It would be quick and not so much painful. Not like Faith's and Wes' and Buffy deaths.

Maybe I wasn't such a champion after all.
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For you I'd wait til kingdom come (until my day is done) [12 Aug 2005|07:34pm]

[ mood | sick ]

It only got worse. My skin flaking and peeling and a million other things that I didn't even wanna think about. Couldn't look at 'em. Cause the more I looked the crazier I felt, like the fever was finally startin' to melt my brain or something. Laid in bed, on a puddle of my own sweat as they both watched me with worry in their eyes. Kept thinkin' back to my first impulse. How I'd remembered what happened to her. How it'd been so fucking long and laborous and as much as I didn't want her to leave I just wanted it to be over! I wanted her to die!

Tears stinging my eyes when I thought about all that shiny blonde hair decayed and rotting, when I thought about the light in those green eyes growin' dim. I wanted her to die. I killed her. Now I just wanted to die and I cursed him out for makin' me wait it out like this, until I could feel my own form start to decay and crumble. Swallowing was taking some effort but every once in awhile I could feel a cool glass to my lips. I didn't want it anymore, I didn't want him to take care of me. I just wanted it to be over.

I'd drift in and out and I didn't know what was a dream and what was hallucination. Saw so many things, but it was always the same voices that kept me hangin' in the balance.

The Mayor. He was always there. That same bright smile on his face as he told me to drink all of my milk. It builds strong bones after all. I just smirked at him cause it didn't really matter if I had strong bones or not anymore. And sometimes I'd cry and ask him if he was disappointed in me. I was sure that he'd loved me, that he believed in me but I knew what he was, what he wanted to do. He was evil but I didn't care. He was the closest thing to a Dad I'd ever had. I badly needed to know if he was disappointed in me for playin' nice with B and the gang. He never did answer me, just kept fussing over me.

"I'll always be with you, Firecracker."

Buffy would come, when I was so twisted up inside I couldn't tell which way was up or down. The fever raging underneath my skin. She'd lay down next to me on the bed and whisper stories in my ears. She'd sing me to sleep and I'd wake up and she'd still be there tellin' me she still loved me. Still believed in me. I'd whisper back to her, tellin' her stories of my own. Sometimes I'd ask her questions and she would start to cry. I hated it when she did that, but she kept repeating the same thing over and over again. I felt like I shouldn't listen but I didn't know how.

"This isn't how it's supposed to be."

I'd wake up with tears in my eyes but I didn't know if I was awake or asleep anymore. I couldn't let go, but I wanted to so fucking badly I could taste it right on the tip of my tongue. Then it would just be me, and the two of them watching over me still. Regret tinged in their eyes and they'd both say the same thing over and over again.

"I'm sorry."

He was going to do it. I knew he was. No more big bright shiny hero, no more pretending to be something he never would be able to. He was going to kiss the sunrise and I was gonna be waitin' for him in hell. I opened my mouth to tell him not to do it, to stay. I needed him to stay. Because once he was gone then it was like I'd never really existed. Like I never really mattered at all. But I couldn't get my lips to form the words.

"I should have saved you."

Like I'd never even been here and there was something comforting about all of that. About not having the past haunt you for the rest of your life. Was there a hell? Was I going there? I didn't know, but I wasn't scared anymore. Just looked up and smiled for a second, or at least I tried to. Because even if no one would remember?

"I love you."

At least I'd had something real.


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[02 Aug 2005|01:50am]

Two weeks went by like it was nothing, but actually? It was something. There was something going on with Faith and I kept it to myself, but I had a feeling? I wasn't going to this time. I could smell something living inside of her that wasn't supposed to be there and the more and more that the days went by, the more I knew exactly what it was. I didn't understand how she got it though, the demon and the Slayer were killed and now ... now she had it. I didn't know how to break it to her, or if she'd even believe me. But, I had to tell her.

I laid in the bed where we just ... spent time together and she was in the shower. The bed reeked of it, and I was going to switch out the sheets so I didn't have to smell it so close to me, even though ... no matter how much Faith scrubbed and scrubbed, it was still on her. Running a hand through my hair, I finally got out of bed and grabbed my pants, putting them on. Padded across the room and to a closet where Wes kept his sheets and blankets. Pulled out a few and set them on the chair before changing out the sheets.

Now the old sheets were bundled up in a corner and she was still in the shower. Almost wanted to go in after her, but I didn't, I just sat back on the bed and waited.

Finally, she came back out and I watched her walk across the room in nothing but a towel before walking over to the dresser to get out a pair of pants and a shirt. She slipped those on and she walked by me again. I stood up and walked after her and into the kitchen.

"Faith, we have to talk," I said finally as I looked at her. She turned around, giving me a look but my eyes weren't focused on her, they were focused on the painting that was behind her, that was until she snapped her fingers. Now my eyes were on her as she stood there in front of me.

"There's something ... that I've been wanting to tell you, something that I didn't want to believe, but now ... now it has to be said." I didn't know how to say it, and now I was thinking about the future and how Wes and my friends died and now it was going to happen to her and I wasn't sure if I could handle it.

"You're sick," I whispered and she gave me a confused expression before shrugging and going back to what she was doing.

"It's not what you think... not a flu, not a cold, it's ..." I trailed off before looking at the ground.
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At the edge of the ocean we can start over again [10 Jul 2005|07:46pm]

It'd been a few weeks since the fight, since I'd put that bullet in between May's eyes and watched her brains splatter against the back wall. Angel and I walked away from that house, and we never looked back. The Guardian was dead, the super flu was dead. We'd managed to save humanity -- only I'd thought it was too late to save anything. We'd come back to Wesley's old apartment, and we'd showered and we'd slept for what seemed like days. I knew the fight had taken alot out of the both of us for a million different reasons. There was the pain of wounds, but those would heal in hours for Angel, maybe a day or two for me. The guilt of killing May, but in the end I was almost positive that we'd done what we had to do. The only way to kill The Guardian was to kill May and so I'd done what I had to do. Then there was the regret of knowing that we'd been too late. If we'd only found out about May and the Guardian sooner we could have....what would we have done differently? Killed every single one of the slayers except me and Buffy hoping to right what Red had so sorely screwed up? It was easy to blame Willow but the fact of the matter was, without her spell to make all the potentials into full blown slayers the apocalypse would have still come only sooner. The world would have been sucked into the pit of hell because The First would have won that battle. I was sure of it.

Wesley had been strangely absent during the days of recooperating from the battle. Usually he was always following me around, a running commentary on every single thing that I did. But maybe Wes had his own issues to work out, or maybe he had finally finished up the business he had here with us. If he was gone for good I would miss him, but I sorta hoped that he was. It had to be frustrating as hell to walk the Earth knowing that the only person who could really communicate with you was your failed ex-slayer. Although I wasn't sure what was waitin' for Wes in the afterlife, but I was afraid for him. People like me and Wes didn't get big shiny reward after we died, not like Buffy did. I was sure I'd see him in hell one day. Maybe he'd buy me a drink. Kinda disappointing he hadn't even bothered to pop around and say bye though. Maybe he couldn't, maybe he wouldn't. I never seemed to have any of the answers.

In the weeks following the battle I noticed things in L.A. changing. More people started to show up in big groups. When I'd first gotten to L.A. it wasn't really all that rare to bump into a rambling straggler, driven mad by the death surrounding them. Wandering the streets and taking whatever they could find, talking to themselves. Suddenly it was almost like the city was alive again, people gathering down at the beach near Wesley's apartment. Bonfires and stereos and people just doin' the only thing they knew how to. Regrouping. I wasn't sure why they'd chosen L.A. to rebuild civilization, I was just glad that they had. Not that there'd been much of a rebuilding but at least they were here, they were alive and they were tryin'. Sittin' on the dunes, high up on the hill I would hold my knees to my chest and just watch them dancing in the sand and laughing and cooking dinner over roaring fires. They didn't seem crazy to me and everyday that I came to sit out on the dunes there was always more of them.

"You are aware that this isn't a coincidence." The first thing Wesley said to me when he finally reappeared in my life one day as I sat on the dunes and watched the people below. "These people are going to need someone to protect them, they've come to Los Angeles for a reason- they just don't know it."

Someone to protect them. Someone like me and Soul Boy to make sure that everything stayed five by five around here. I knew that every vamp in town was gonna be lookin' to snack on the few happy meals with legs walkin' around. The flu hadn't just killed off all the humans, it'd taken it's toll on the vampire population too. Hey, I'm not about to be complainin' about the vamp death toll but I knew that these guys on the beach were all easy prey. That was why I'd sat out here for so long, always watchin' 'em. The Guardian was dead, the super flu was gone but I was still here and there were still things that went bump in the night. The world was full of things to kill a person and I was gonna make sure that no one else died. Not if I could help it. Wasn't sure where my sudden needs to help the team came from. My first thought was that it came from a place of guilt until I realized that it'd always come from a place of guilt. This time it was different though, it wasn't the guilt. It was the realization that there was no more team.

I was the only one.

Well, I had Angel too. Angel for his own part had remained mostly silent over the last few weeks, but that wasn't exactly a surprise. The tall broody one had a habit of just disappearing with a book in his hand, sittin' his cute ass down in the dark somewhere to be alone. I wondered what he thought about when he was all alone. I wondered, but I was never curious enough to ask, or brave enough. I wasn't sure which one.

The sun had set and it was just another night, my knees pressed to my chest as I watched the party on the sand below where I sat. I heard him, felt him before even approached me but when I turned Angel was already there, sittin' down next to me.

"Quite the party, huh?" I asked nonchalantly as I turned back to the people below. Quite the party and I hadn't even bothered to make an appearance in the last few days or even weeks since they'd started comin' here. I wasn't sure why that was and I wasn't about to go psycho analyzing myself, so I just accepted it. They were down there in the light and I was here in the dark with Angel. Just the way things had always been, and were always meant to be.
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[16 Jun 2005|03:18am]

I gave a last glance at Faith as she was running away from me toward the mansion before I grabbed the flares from the back of the trunk. Slamming the trunk door down, I heard the clank and realized this was it. This was the end, no matter what. The end of the world, or the end of all of this mess. Either way this goes, something drastic was going to happen and personally I was opting for all of this to be over. I was having doubts though. What if Faith couldn't pull it off, or what if Faith ended up dead during all of this. I think we said all we needed to say in the car, which wasn't that much, but still. It was something and it would be something that I'd remember and carry with me forever.

Searching my pockets for a lighter, of course I didn't have one. Faith had to have had one around here somewhere with the way she smokes. Walked toward the front of the car and opened the passenger side door and there was a red lighter sitting there in the little compartment on the side. Picked that up and closed the door and walked back toward the back end of the car. I had to figure out how to do this. Basement door was to the right a few ways and I knew they'd be coming out that way and every which way, so I had to plan this carefully.

What was I thinking? Just light the damn things and let's get this over with. Held two of the flares in my hand and lit one. Burst out in flames and lit the other one by itself. This is working out nicely. Now, I just had to make it to the basement. Took off running, holding the flares in my hands as I did so and I could already feel the damn Neihr coming closer, or maybe I was. Heading toward the outside basement door, I finally stopped when the door basically fell to the ground when the Neihr came running out toward me. Stood straighter and narrowed my eyes as I watched them come toward me, then one after one got knocked away with an arm as I held onto the flares. Couldn't take it anymore and eventually I tossed the flares and started going after them. How many were going to come out anyway? Seemed to be close to a hundred of them and I was seriously wondering why I wasn't down on the ground yet. Blow after blow, I kept them at bay until one jumped over the crowd and on top of me, knocking me over. All I saw was dark, black eyes staring into mine before I reached up, grabbing it by the neck and twisting before throwing it up and over me. Got back on my feet and got into a fighting stance, waiting for the next move.

Another one came at me and I ducked and fell to the ground quickly before getting back up, spinning a kick to it's head, making it crack. It fell to the ground and as I turned around, I was attacked by more and more. Fell to the ground and I could feel them all over me, crushing me. Kept on kicking and punching them with my arms and legs and I saw the flares, not that far away. Tensing my jaw, I kicked one hard in it's chest, sending that and two more off of me before rolling over and crawling my way toward the flares. Grabbed one and turned, burning one in the face and then another. They all took a step back, cackling, making their noises as I stood up.

How was I going to get out of this?

I wondered how Faith was doing, probably better than I was, she didn't have a million spider creatures staring at her and waiting to fucking pounce. They stared at the flame it seemed and I wondered for a moment, how they didn't go out, but right now? I wasn't going to worry about that. Leaned back and threw the first one toward the end of the field and about half of them went after it. Leaned back and threw the other and the rest chased after the flares.

Fucking idiots. Good on me I suppose. Not waiting another second, I ran through the opened space that used to be the door to the basement and made my way inside. No noise, except for leaking water. That couldn't have been all of them, I knew that for sure. Looking around, I could barely see, even with my enhanced vision. I kept on walking though, finally getting to the door that would take me to the hallway. Opened it up and was face to face with two gaurds holding guns.


"Get over here," one said and went to grab for me, but I ducked and uppercutted him. He let go of the gun as he fell back onto the floor and I reached out, grabbing the gun, holding it to him while another gun was pointed to my neck. I could feel the barrel pressing against the skin and I gritted my teeth, keeping my eyes on the one gaurd that was laying on the ground, watching the display in front of him. I was in a bind and I knew that one of them was going to end up bloody and bruised while I just walked away.

"Think that's going to stop me?" I asked the man toward the right of me, holding the gun against my neck.

"Ahh, right. Vampire," he snorted and went to hit me on the side of the face with gun, but I grabbed his wrist and twisted until I heard a snap. He dropped his gun and I shoved him on the floor toward his partner. Bent down and grabbed the weapon, pointing them both at them. I didn't have time to stop and I knew that no matter what they'd be after me. Pulling the trigger, I shot them both once in the foot and reached down, grabbing any walky talkies or phones that I could find, stuffing them in my jacket.

"This has been fun, really," I murmered and kept on walking, trying to find Faith and May and I wondered if Faith got the job done yet. Quickly, I walked down the halls of the mansion, keeping an ear out for anything, hoping that I didn't run into anything else. Any more spider creatures, anymore gaurds -- and that's when I heard it, then felt it. A bullet hitting my back and I fell forward and turned my head, watching the gaurd that was once laying down, sitting up and leaning against the wall, holding his leg with one hand and holding another gun with the other. Don't focus on the pain, don't focus on it, damnit. Reaching around and rolling onto my side with a small cry, I aimed and shot the gaurd in the head. I closed my eyes and lay there, trying to get myself under control - from the pain. Then I just realized that I just murdered someone. Wasn't just anyone though. They were trying to keep me away from Faith and this was the end of the world, I had to do what I had to do and I hoped that Faith would do the same.

Picking myself up, I rolled my shoulders, wincing at the pain from the bullet. Times like this, it's a good thing not to be human. Just then the lights flickered off and I stopped, waiting for everything to become more clear. Besides, I could always see in the dark, it wasn't going to hold me back, well, except this bullet could that was lodged in my flesh. That would be something that Faith can work on when this is all over. Hopefully. Kept on walking toward the end, all the way down to the point where May was before. No gaurds. No nothing. Frowned and listened against the door, but there was nothing. Opened the door and walked inside and it looked like there was a warzone that happened in here and I wondered again if Faith was okay. I didn't see any bodies, not even May's - or Faith's.

Turned around and walked out, she had to be around here somewhere. The pain in my back was slowing me down though, damn bullet and I could smell the blood that covered my back button down shirt. Liked this shirt. Held the guns toward me as I walked and finally took a flight of stairs, that didn't help my back situation that much. It was almost unbearable, but I had to find Faith first, and make sure she was alright. Kept making my way up and I could hear noises, fighting and I tried to move faster, but I couldn't. Then I heard it.

The gunshot. I stopped walking and held onto the bannister, closing my eyes and hoping that wasn't Faith on the recieving end of the gun. Narrowing my eyes, I pushed myself harder and faster up the stairs until I was finally in the hallway and I could smell fresh blood. Holding onto the wall for support, I kept on walking as fast as I could toward the room with the door open. I heard screaming just then, loud, scratching, screeching and I moved faster and faster and then? Then there was nothing. The lights flickered back on finally and I stopped, leaning my side against the wall before I started to move again.

Everything that we worked hard for was in this moment and this was the moment that would define if it was the end? Or if we were starting over. All the hard work and it was all because of Faith. She either made it happen, or ... everything was gone. Slowly, I turned over and held onto the doorframe as I walked into the room, seeing Faith standing there and ... May.


Swallowed hard and walked inside, slowly as I made my way behind Faith, watching her, then I turned away from her and looked at May. She did it. She ... did it.

Now? Now, I just didn't know what to say, or do. Kept my eyes on Faith as I moved over toward the wall and leaned myself against it. Now we could go home.
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You're beyond redemption (Part III) [15 Jun 2005|12:24am]

Didn't have time to think, just felt my body start movin' like it always did. Sometimes it got me in trouble but usually? It bailed my ass out from gettin' smacked around. Just as The Guardian lunged himself at me, I rolled to the side and sprung up to my feet. So instead of becoming a flattened slayer underneath him I let him dent my face with a quick backhand. Before I could catch my balance I felt my whole body shift backwards, my head connecting with a resounding thwack on the footboard to May's bed. My back hit the floor and my hands automatically went to my head as The Guardian's gloved fingers twisted into my hair and I found myself hauled up and over towards the window. Crashing through the glass, I reached out as quickly as I could grasping the ledge of the window with one hand. My breath hitched in my throat and I could feel my heart beating a mile a minute as I glanced down. We were a good ten flights off the ground and I had to close my eyes or I was afraid I might let go and take my chances.

Swinging up with my free hand before my fingers could latch onto the windowsil a gloved hand shot out from inside and grasped my wrist. He hauled me up quickly only to jerk me back down and let his grasp slip. This situation? Not lookin' so good. Was pretty sure the Guardian couldn't actually kill me til May was dead for his big brilliant plan to work. But that didn't stop him from stabbing me last time, and I was pretty sure at this point that he wouldn't have a problem breaking each and every one of my bones until then. His grip on my wrist slipped again, my other hand desperate to keep it's grasp on the slippery windowsil. Finally he let go of my wrist completely and leaned down heavily, his arm laid out across my fingers.

Breathing hard I looked around desperately for something to save me, but I couldn't see anything. Except slightly to the right on the floor below there was a window ledge I was sure I could land on if I could only get at the right angle. Swallowing hard and gritting my teeth I held on tightly with my few remaining fingers and pushed myself away from the wall with my boot. My body swung up and over, my boots comin' in direct contact with those ugly blood red eyeballs.

The Guardian let out a shriek and I used the momentum to angle my body to the side. At the last minute I sprung off of the wall and let go of the windowsil. Falling only a couple feet my boots hit the landing over the window on the floor below. Taking a deep breath I tucked my body up against the cool glass of the windowpane. I was still alive, that had really worked.

Bustin' my way through the glass with my fist, I jumped onto the floor of the room below May's. Was about to head for the door to the hallway when Wes popped up right in front of me.

"We got punked." I said, stating the wicked obvious.

"It would appear so. As I feared, I don't think the Guardian can be killed. He'll simply die when May is killed. If she dies from the flu first, he gets to live forever." He said matter of factly.

"Couldn't you have mentioned that a little earlier?"

"Well, I wasn't completely sure of it and I didn't want to discourage you." He admitted sheepishly, as I found myself once again rolling my eyes.

"So I just find my way back upstairs, avoid the Guardian somehow on my way up, do May in and call it a day?" Couldn't believe I was just talkin' about this like it was nothing. Because suddenly? I dunno why, it was wicked stupid but I felt like I had something to lose. My life first off, and seriously I'd held onto it way too long through way too much to let go of it now. Not to mention there was Wes and Angel. Especially Angel. I mean, if I died I'd probably just come back and haunt Wes. Make up for it. We could annoy eachother for an eternity.

Then it was Wesley's turn to roll his eyes at me. "I would have perhaps worded it differently, but yes that's about the long and short of it as it were." Least we were predictable.

A loud thump echoed from the floor above us, both of us quickly snapping our attention to the ceiling. This was gettin' seriously tricky now. I couldn't kill The Guardian himself, but I just had to bypass him and get to May. Once she was dead, he was nothin' but dust in the wind. Didn't know how I was gonna do this, but whatever it was? I was gonna have to move fast. Didn't say anything to Wes, just marched past him into the hallway.

"Faith!" He called after me, appearing in front of me again as I walked into the hallway. "Faith, I think you should..."

His voice trailed off when every single light on the floor went off. Just like that, no more power. We were both plunged into darkness, and I couldn't even see Wesley next to me anymore. How had that happened? Had the power been cut to the whole fucking house? Cause that was gonna make killin' May wicked problematic. I didn't even have the gun in my hand anymore. Fumbling around in my front pocket I finally found my trusty zippo. Sparkin' it up, it cast a dim eerie glow on the walls as I looked back up at Wes.

"I am so fucked." I said in a flat voice, even though I knew it wasn't true. I'd made it this far, hadn't I? I wasn't losin' this fight, I already decided that. No more losing for me. B was right, now it was just my turn. No givin' up, no turnin' back.

I heard another thump at the top of the stairs and instantly closed my light, snuffing the flame out. Shoving it back into my pocket I started creeping towards the stairs.

"Faith, what on earth are you doing? It would be wise to find another route up to that bedroom and..." Wesley was still talkin' but I wasn't listening anymore. I couldn't talk back cause I didn't give away where I was, and so I just blocked him out. I needed to focus and listenin' to the digruntled Brittish guy yammer on wasn't gonna help.

Sliding in against the wall, I watched for some kinda shadow but I couldn't even see anything. Holdin' my breath for a minute I tried to listen for anyone else close by but all I heard was the poundin' of my own heart in my chest. It was now or never, and I'd never been the never kind. Slinking towards the bottom of the stairwell, my hand grasped the railing firmly. Walking up the steps silently, I tried to get a sense of anything. Only thing I could sense was May, must be a slayer thing. I was sure I'd finally reached the top of the stairs when a hand shot out of the darkness and latched around my throat. My back slammed into the wall and I lifted my legs pushing against his thighs and knocking him away from me.

Takin' off up the stairs I was almost at the top again when I felt something large launch itself at me. He wrapped his arms around me and before I knew it, he'd pulled me completely off balance. A gasp escaped my lips when I hit the stairs, my shoulder connecting until I heard a solid breaking sound. Man, I sure missed the sound of my own bones breaking....only not. Over and over again, the two of us rolling down the steps until we were back on the floor with no power.

He landed on top of me and wrapped a fistful of my hair around his fingers, smashing my head into the floor, before his other fist smarted off the side of my jaw. With an angry cry, I shoved him off of me as hard as I could, sending him rolling towards the bannister. Didn't even think, just lunged at him figuring I could push him through the bannister and send his ass sailing down about eight flights of stairs or so. But when my hands made contact his hands closed around my shoulder, in a second he'd turned my game around on me. Turnin' around slightly I could barely see the abyss below and I was gettin' awful tired of the me fallin' thirty feet to my untimely feet scenario. Lashing out with a foot I caught him in the shin and grabbed onto his shirt. Yanking his head downwards I smashed it on the bannister. It cracked in half and I gave him an extra shove over the edge. Side-stepping him quickly, he was just about to fall when his hand reached out and latched onto my hand. Yanking me towards him I almost screamed as I started plummeting through the open air.

He had let go of my hand mid-fall and I scratched and clawed and flailed desperate to get my hands onto anything solid. About halfway to the ground one of my hands closed tightly around the bannister a few floors below the one where we'd fallen. Still couldn't see shit, except what the dim moonlight outside streamin' in through the hall windows would let me see. Taking a deep breath I felt his hand wrap around my ankle, before I was jerked down with his weight. Still keepin' my hands firmly locked around the bannister I kicked against him, wildly and desperately as he tried to climb his way up me. Kicking my leg out as far as it would go I smashed it back into the wall as hard as I could. Hard enough, cause he let out a yell before lettin' go. A few seconds later I heard a rough crash and a grunt from the bottom floor. Didn't sound that far below me and I knew I had to get a move on.

Swinging my legs up and over I tried to ignore the throbbing sensation makin' it's way across my skin and tinglin' down my spine. I was tired for sure, but I knew I had enough adrenaline pumpin' through me to throw a school bus ten city blocks right about now. Fumbling in the dark, my hands finally the hit the wall. Makin' sure to stay close to it, I started running as fast as I could up the stairs. Round and round over and over again and I thought my lungs might burst but I still kept running. Had no sense of the Guardian and I didn't know how far he was or how badly he was hurt. Alls I knew was I had to get my ass upstairs and put May out of her misery.

I'd made it to the final flight when I felt a hand close down around my shoulder. I was so tense, so ready, the minute he was there I turned and raised a roundhouse kick up to his ribs before pushing him away from me. Didn't stop, never stop, have to keep going. Could hear him fallin' down a few more steps before quickly gettin' up to his feet and chasing after me. He was stronger. I was faster. Right then and there? I was feelin' like I had the upperhand. Nothin' was gonna stop me.

He was right on my tail, followin' me into May's room. Could see Wesley standin' by the window, illuminated by moonlight. In one smooth easy movement I pulled the Zippo from my pocket and flicked it on. It cast enough light on the room that I could see where the gun was. I made a dive for it, feeling my hands clasp around the cool smooth metal. Also caught a prime glimpse of the Guardian snorting and staggering his way in through the door. Faster then I was sure I'd ever moved I was on my feet and standin' in front of May's bed.

No apologies, no words, just lookin' straight down at her as I raised the gun and pulled the trigger.

That's right, better. People need us to survive. In the balance, nobody's gonna cry over some random bystander who got caught in the crossfire.

Her head fell back on the mattress with the impact, blood spraying the wall behind her as the lights flickered and then turned back on. Another loud shriek from the doorway, both Wes and I turned to look at the Guardian who was screamin' his fucking head off. See! He shoulda just left that thing in the closet where it belonged. He was holding on tight to it now, falling against the wall and screaming before he finally collapsed to the floor in a heap of nothing. Just clothes, no Guardian.

Still breathing hard I licked my lower lip as I looked away from The Guardian, over to Wes and then back down to May. Or what was left of her after I shot half of her face apart. Swallowing hard I just stood there for a minute, because it was over and there was nothing else I could do for her so I just tilted my chin down and looked away.

The sound of the gun clanking loudly to the floor echoed off the walls.
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Feel it piercing your courageous soul (Part II) [14 Jun 2005|04:03am]

I couldn't believe it. The dude who so easily wiped the floor with me a few days ago was lyin' in pieces on the floor. Well, one piece was on the floor at my feet but his head was in the closet where I couldn't see it. Guess a little old fashioned decapitation did the trick every time. Just hadn't thought it would be that easy and I had to wonder whether I was really just that good or whether I'd gotten seriously lucky. Either way? I wasn't gonna complain, cause now I had one less Guardian to worry about.

"Follow me." Wes said curtly as he started walkin' towards the hall door with me in tow. "And just for the record? I am not stuffy nor have I ever shagged Angel. Although the idea was always tempting. Also, I'm not an alcoholic." I shot him a raised eyebrow look of 'yeah right'. "Anymore. Hard to drink when there an overall lack of alcohol to consume." He finally relented as we walked down the hallway.

Snickering a little bit I followed him out into the hallway and through a long winding twists of hallways and stairs.

"We ever gonna get there? Damn. How big's this place anyway?" I complained mildly, still following Wesley up a set of winding narrow stairs onto the top floor.

"It's quite interesting actually. The house itself was built by settlers in 1833 as part of a trading post with the local indigenous tribes. Of course it's been expanded upon since then and...." He rattled off walkin' ahead of me, and my eyes rolled so hard I thought they might disappear into the back of my head.

"Didn't ask for the fucking history channel, Wes. Just wanna know how much further it is." Damn, did he have to be so boring all the time? Didn't he know that I had the attention span from hell? You'd think he woulda picked up on that from the last time he tried to be my watcher. Guess it was a little less threatening to watch over me. He wasn't corporeal so the chances of me tyin' his ass down and takin' a knife to his flesh were nil.

"Oh. Right. Of course. Only a little while longer, the second to last door on your right in this hallway."

This was it. The real deal. Up til now I pretty much just focused on gettin' to May and the fight that was gonna be in the way. Hey, there was always a fight in the way cause nothin' was ever easy. But The Guardian was dead now and now...May didn't have anyone to watch over her. This wasn't gonna get any easier but I knew what I had to do. Me? I didn't deserve this but life was never fair, and May just got the short end of the stick. Still made my stomach flip flop to think about it, but there wasn't any other choice. I was still healthy and if I didn't kill May everyone was gonna die. Could try and sacrifice myself for her but she was on her deathbed. Who even knew what that would do. For all I knew that meant the end of the slayer line, no more chosen one to step up and fight the big bad guys. Then again, there was still Angel. He was the champion, he could protect all the people that were left.

All ten of them.

This was where the doubt set in, every single last bit of it seepin' into my skin and makin' me think twice about what I was gonna do. Maybe Angel didn't wanna lose me cause I was all he had left, but if anyone understood self-sacrifice it was Soul Boy. Now Angel wasn't here to talk me out of it.

We were standin' there, starin' at the door, Wes givin' me the eye like he was waitin' for me to open it and then just pull the fucking trigger. Instead I just stared numbly at the engrained wood, studying the pattern. I still remembered the dead guy downstairs, just shootin' him like it was nothin'. Wes couldn't lie to me about this one. May definitely wasn't a demon.

"I can't do it."

"You have to, Faith. The fate of the world rests...."

"I can't." I cut him off again sendin' him a hard look. I instantly thought of the last time someone said that to me. Just when I thought I was gonna end up another smacked out runaway my future caught up to me. Some chick showin' up and tellin' me that I was the slayer, chosen, that the fate of the world rested on me. When I got older and smarter I found out that what she really meant was the fate of the world rested on Buffy. But my first watcher was long dead by the time I figured that one out, and maybe that was why I'd never held it against her.

"I don't think you understand the severity of the situation, Faith." Wesley tried to calmly explain to me. But I could see the terror in those pale eyes, I recognized it better then anything else in him.

"I fucking understand it just fine. Stop talkin' to me like I'm a retard, Wes. I'm supposed to go in there shoot this sick girl in the head and then you, me and Angel can all go out for celebratory drinks. Except everyone's dead so we'll have to pour own drinks and your Casper ass can't talk to Angel. So in the meantime I gotta talk to you, makin' Angel think I'm totally off my rocker cause he can't see you while the rest of the world fucks itself into hell. That about the jist?"

"Shut up!" His tone was so sharp and intense I instantly shut my mouth and gave him a confused look. Didn't think I'd ever seen Watcher Boy lookin' so pissed off before. I was pretty sure that if he could, he's smack me a good one. "You've already come this far and I for one refuse to watch you destroy yourself for the sake of a sick girl. She's dying, Faith. Tell me, what will sparing her life get you? You'll die, Angel will die, the entire world will perish. You can't save her, Faith. She's already half dead."

Dirty. Like something sick creeped inside you and you can't get it out. And you keep hoping that it was just some nightmare, but it wasn't.

I tilted my chin down takin' a deep breath because just as soon as I got one thing figured out the rules up and changed on me. Thought I knew what was right, what was wrong and it turned out I never had any clue at all. Only thing I could do was find new and exciting ways to fuck everything up.

"Fine. Let's do this." I barely breathed out, my hand latching around the doorknob and turnin' it before Wesley could even respond.

Wasn't sure what I was expectin' when I opened that door, but despite how sick May had looked before, it wasn't the frail lookin' girl layin' on her death bed. Black patches had almost completely deformed the left side of her face as she rolled over and coughed weakly. I just stood in the doorway next to Wesley starin' at her for a few minutes. My breath hitched in my throat thinkin' about how unfair this whole thing was. Why hadn't I just taken Angel's offer up when he offered to kill her? I already knew the answer though. For the first time in my life? I got it, I really did. Too bad B had to be too dead to see me in all my glory. Wicked appropriate though. First, she kinda had to be dead for this little moment to happen and I would get the really fucked up moment. I wasn't gonna be some big shiny hero after shooting May. I was just gonna be what I always was. A straight up killer.

Something made us different. We're warriors. We're built to kill.

To kill demons! But it does not mean that we get to pass judgment on people like we're better than everybody else!

We are better!

Taking a few steps into the room, I could see Wes backin' off into the far side of the room. Calmly observing and choosin' this very moment to shut the hell up. This really was just up to me. Takin' a deep breath I tried to gather up what little resolve Wes had given me as I walked towards the bed. Should just whip out the gun and put a bullethole through her head. Starin' at her hopin' that she'd just up and die on her own before I got the chance to do her in. But if I let her do that I'd be doin' in what was left of the rest of us, at least according to Wesley. I was gonna do it. Just grab the gun and kill her, I could do this easy. She wasn't the first person I'd ever killed, it'd just been a wicked long time. I was gonna do it, I was when...

"Help me..." She turned over and set pale eyes on me, so full of pain and misery and I hated it but all I could think about was B. Buffy and Dawn and Giles and all of 'em wastin' away in their death beds. Hell, Wesley too. Every single one just violently torn apart from the inside out by something they couldn't even fit. It wasn't fair, no slayer should ever have to die this way. Fuck, if it were me I'd want someone to shoot me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, reachin' for the gun.

"Faith!" Wesley suddenly called out and I snapped around just in time to hear an ear-piercing roar.

My eyes widened when my eyes fell on what I could only imagine was The Guardian. 'Cept gone were the dark black eyes, gone was the charming smile and easy poise. His head was back on his body too, which was also kinda surprising since I decapitated it not all that long ago. His eye had healed, only this time both of his eyes shone a bright searing red, almost like they could see right through me. Burnin' a hole through my soul.

I wondered if he was pissed but when my ass hit the floor, the gun slippin' from my fingertips and sliding across the floor and away from me- I had my answer. A shriek filled the room, comin' from the hulking body towering over me in rage.

Yep, he was definitely pissed.
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Feel it turning your heart into stone (Part I) [13 Jun 2005|03:26am]

Waited til I saw that bright orange glow of the flare goin' off before I easily slid in through the basement window. Figured any minute now I'd hear a ton of skittery little spider legs go scuttlin' across the floor over my head. Hoped Wes knew what the hell he was talkin' about, cause if he was wrong? That was just gonna make me look like a dumbass. Not to mention get us both killed, but hey whose keepin' score, ya know?

It was so quiet in the basement I could almost hear my heart beating as I listened. Holdin' my breath til suddenly I heard it. Like a fucking stampede of giant spiders right above my head. Guess that was exactly what it was. Man, was Wesley's my brilliant plan actually gonna work? Still felt the heavy cold steel of the gun in my hand as I crept towards the stairs. I had to do this, but I wasn't gonna think about that part of it yet. The part where I killed a helpless sick girl sleepin' upstairs in her bed. She didn't ask to be chosen, she didn't ask for any of this. Then again? Did any of us? Sometimes life was a bitch and it just kept throwin' curveball after curveball your way. You might luck out like the Yankees and hit every single one of 'em but let's face it, New York sucks. Wait. Where was I goin' with this? Something about rollin' with the punches.

Suddenly something moved in front of me and I instantly tensed up and almost raised the gun 'til I realized it was just Wes.

"Damn, dude. Way to give me a heart attack."

"It's not my fault you're so jumpy this evening." Wesley said, the usual half-amused half-sour expression on his face. Yeah yeah, try and look disapproving, Wes. In the meantime? I'm the only company you got in the afterlife. Like I said, life is a bitch. "Regardless, the Niehr have all followed Angel God knows where, so now might be an oppurtune time to make your move."

"No shit." Rolling my eyes, I wondered how he didn't hear the stampede of little skittering feet above us. Walkin' past him I started up the stairs when Wes moved to block my way again. "What?" I asked, wicked annoyed that he was deciding to be a pain in my ass now. Crossing my arms over my chest I arched an eyebrow as I waited for him to spill whatever his beef was. Man, I got shit to do!

"There's still The Guardian to contend with, and I'm sure you remember that he is quite the formidable foe." He shot a pointed look down at the scar on my abdomen and I glowered in return. Way to give a girl a boost of self-confidence. No wonder he was such a shitty watcher. "I highly doubt he'll let you walk right in there and kill this girl. Everything he is riding on rests on this one girl's shoulders. Surely he won't...." Couldn't listen to anymore so I just walked right through him. My hand on the doorknob before Wes could argue with me anymore. Opening the door I stepped out into the hallway, rolling my eyes as Wes whined at me some more.

"Look, Wes. I got it. This guy's evil, doesn't want me to kill May. Last time I played with him he kicked my ass. Yada yada. I just need to do this thing and get it over with, k?" I gave him a look that clearly said the topic was closed for any farther discussion and he shut right the hell up. Must really suck to be a ghost, only thing he could do was talk at me. Mostly he just had to trust me to make my own decisions now. Nothin' he could do about it. Hell, there wasn't even a Council anymore for him to run and tattle to.

Lookin' down the length of the hallway both ways I held my breath again, listenin' for anything. I didn't hear anything but I knew Wes was right. The Guardian was still in here somewhere. He probably already knew I was here too, and somehow? I gotta smack this guy down for real and the only weapon I had was a handgun that Wes had layin' around his apartment. Oh yeah, definitely feelin' that self-confidence. But I realized as long as I didn't think about May I could focus on the fight, get that good down low tingle that I always got right before a good slay.

"Faith! Look out!" Wesley shouted, and the minute I turned around something was on me. Lunging, and knockin' my ass down to the ground. Didn't even think, just put the barrel of my gun against his stomach and pulled the trigger. The gunshot echoed throughout the house and it wasn't until I was pushin' a plump body offa myself that I realized what I'd done. I'd just killed someone.

Slowly I stood up, and swallowed hard my eyes glued to the dead body on the floor. Remembered him from the first night I was here. One of the guards standin' at the door. Angel had to knock him out so he could get in.

"Wes...." I said slowly, still not takin' my eyes off the body. "Tell me that was a demon."

"That was a demon, Faith." He said slowly, carefully, automatically and I didn't even have to pay attention to his inflection to know he was lying. But I could still be grateful for it. Sometimes lies were the best comfort of all. "Come on, now. May's room is this way."

I cast one last look at the body on the floor before following Wesley down the hall.

Finally the two of us were standin' around the corner from May's room. This time there were no guards at the doors. No nothin', just me and two doors in my way. On the other side of the doors May was sleepin', probably wishin' she was dead cause she was so sick. I saw what it did to other people, people I loved was cool with. It made you turn practically inside out until there was nothin' left of what you used to be. Nothin' left but a skeleton until you died for real. I was about to do her a favor. Gonna put her out of her misery. Shit. Why wasn't that kinda thinkin' actually working?

"Think it's a trap?" I asked, turnin' back to Wesley.

"More then likely." He replied, stepping further out into the center of the hallway and eyeing the door.

"So, I got a suggestion, Watcher Boy. Why don't you float your ghostly ass on in there and check it out for me."

"I most certainly do not float." He grumbled under his breath as he disappeared into the doors. Guess bein' haunted by the most annoying ghost ever had it's perks. Well, he probably wasn't the most annoying ghost ever. If Dawn was hauntin' me? Then I'd have room to complain.

Not more then a few seconds and he was back with a frown etched deeply into his face.

"She's gone."

"What?" I narrowed my eyes and stepped away from the corner towards him. Gone? May was gone? Was it too late?

"She's not in her bed, she seems to have been...uhm...moved."

My lips fell open and I felt everything in my chest tighten up. It was too late, she was dead. We'd failed and now everyone was gonna die. Everyone 'cept Angel and the rest of the demon population. I had no doubts though. With no humans around? Wasn't gonna be that much longer 'til Angel walked himself out into the sun. This was it. The end. There was nothin' left.

"You mean dead. Dead. Not moved." I said numbly.

"I don't think so, Faith. The Guardian is in there, he's clearly waiting for you to arrive. This leads me to believe it's all a trap, and the slayer has been moved to another location in the estate."

"Fine. He wants a showdown, he can bring it." I said quickly steppin' past Wesley and headin' for the door. If May was dead there was nothin' left to lose and I might as well go down swingin' instead of coughing up a lung in my bed with Angel tryin' to nurse me back to health. Fuck that. I wasn't meant to go out that way.

"Don't you think that might be a bit reckless?"

"No." I said in a hollow voice. "You go look for May. Let me know if you find her. I got a Guardian to fight with."

"Faith, please..."

"Look," I whipped around to face him, anger washin' out every other emotion he might be able to read on my face. "You go look for her. You can walk through walls so it'll be faster if you just go. Come back here if you find her. I gotta do this!"

"If there's anything left of you to come back to." Wait a sec, was that sadness in his voice? He really was scared for us. Or maybe he was just wicked scared to be all alone, no one to haunt. Hey, he should be all kinds of comforted by this sitch. After all he might have company in a few minutes.

"I'm gonna be fine. I'm like a cat, Wes. I always bounce back. Nine lives or whatever the hell that expression is. I'll be fine." My voice grew softer only to reassure him as best I could.

"Be careful." And with that he was gone. Guess that was our version of sayin' we cared. Ain't ever gonna be any Hallmark moments between the two of us.

Takin' a deep breath I tucked the gun into the waistband of my jeans before pushin' my way through the doors. The Guardian was standin' there, right in front of the windows with his back turned to me.

"Didn't your momma teach you any manners? Polite people greet their company at the door." I forced a smirk onto my face as he turned around and smiled warmly. "Then again, my mom was a wicked drunk so what the hell do I know about manners?" Really wished I had a weapon right about now. Maybe a rocket launcher or something. Shoot him right between those eerie blackened eyes.

"Faith, I've been expecting you." He smiled warmly at me, still not makin' any move to come anywhere near me. "Of course, I also expected the vampire to be with you. Quite clever, using the flares to distract the Niehr. Dreadful creatures, always so easily distracted. I absolutely disdain those who are easily distracted. Don't you?" He asked me with a grin as he took out a long sharp knife. It still had spots of blood on it, my blood. I remembered that knife.

"Yeah. Sure, whatever. Where's May?" I asked, finally pullin' my eyes away from the knife. Every single muscle in my body was so taut and tense I was afraid I might bust into a million pieces and fall to the floor.

"Oh yes. Dear sweet May. I'm afraid you're too late, Slayer." He smiled at me before turnin' back to the window and lookin' outside again. "She's already dead and now the rest of your kind will perish with her." He paused for a minute and I wondered if he might be tellin' the truth. Cause if he was tellin' the truth then he wouldn't bother to attack me. I was as good as dead anyway. Unless that was all part of his rouse. "Just like your friend Buffy." He added after a long pause, and it was enough to drive me over the edge. Just thinkin' about B and what this whole fucking mess did to her. Made her a fucking mess before she cried and died and I watched every single minute. Watched the world just fade away.

Angrily I lunged at The Guardian, but I knew my mistake before I even got that far. Always fueled by anger, why didn't I ever think anything out? My foot was just about to connect with his ribs, when he turned around in a sudden flash and knocked me into the wall. Pressing me into it, I could see into his deep black eyes as he held the knife to my throat. For a minute I was completely drawn in by them.

"Very sloppy, Faith." He chided me gently, an amused smile still covering his face.

Swallowing hard I thought about spittin' in his face but instead I slammed the heel of my boot against his shin hard. Kind've a risky move with a knife to my throat, but I was startin' to think I got nothin' left to lose. Remembered that feeling so well.

The knife slipped barely from his grasp, knickin' my throat, but a quick elbow to his face made him lose his grip completely and I heard it clatter to the floor.

"Uh oh. Is someone distracted?" I sassed him as I lashed out with a right hook that shoulda knocked him on his ass. But just like last time he caught it easily and flipped me over his shoulder and onto my back on the floor. Fuck! That hurt. Springin' back up to my feet I made a move to kick him and then quickly spun left tryin' it again. This time my fist connected squarely with his face. There was the key. Dude was wicked strong but not that fast. Guessed I was so busy pattin' myself on the back I didn't even notice him lashing out with his own foot. It hit me square in the stomach, knockin' the wind from me and slamming my back straight into the wall. He went to make a move for the knife and I was on him in a second. No time to stop and lick my wounds when I got an Immortal to smack down with. Bending down to the ground I wrapped my hand around the knife handle before he could get a grip on it and jammed it straight up. He let out a loud roar and grabbed me by my hair, throwin' me from one side of the room to another. So hard that when I hit the wall, this time small cracks in the plaster formed around me.

Slumped to the ground and breathin' hard I was startin' to wonder if I was gonna have to realign my whole damn spine after this little death match. Glancing up I saw The Guardian straighten up. The blade of the knife sticking straight into one black eyesocket. With one hand he reached up and yanked it free with a roar before throwin' the bloody remnants of the knife to the floor. Was he pissed off now? He lunged towards me and wrapped one hand around my throat liftin' me up and off of my feet. Guess that was a big old yes to the pissed off thing.

"Faith!" Wesley called to me suddenly and out of the corner of my eye I could see Wesley standing near the door. "I found May. She's in the East Wing of the house!" He exclaimed excitedly.

"That's great, Wes." I managed to barely get out, tryin' to pry The Guardian's hand off of my throat. "But I'm kinda busy right now." With that I swung one leg forward all the way lettin' my foot hit him in his wounded eye. He cried out and dropped me to the ground before lookin' nervously at the door.

"Who are you talking to?!" He demanded in a deep booming voice, his eyes eye scanning the room before turning back to me again. Oh man, this was fucking priceless! The big bad nasty was all tweeked out cause he thought I was crazy! Talkin' to myself and invisible people. Must think I had a secret weapon or something? Who the hell even knew.

It was distracting him.

"You know what, Wes?!" I exclaimed suddenly, pullin' myself back up to my feet. "I got some things I gotta tell you. First off? Did you live on a liquid diet before you died? What's a girl supposed to live on, huh? Tea and whiskey? Anyone tell you you're a serious alcoholic. Think you need a twelve step program. Hey, I totally recommend 'em, I mean I took the crazy crash course one in prison and look how I turned out."

"Oh, bloody hell."

"Who are you talking to?!" The Guardian roared again takin' a sloppy swing and me. I ducked just in time and he missed by like a mile as I rolled beneath him. Grabbing onto his arm I swung around hard, smashing his head straight into the wall.

"Another thing? What's the attachment to Angel? Were you guys like totally boot-knockin' it back in the day or what? You might as well 'fess up. I mean, who the hell am I gonna tell? Just hard to picture a stuffy guy like you gettin' laid is all. Even though I gotta say, you could do worse then Angel." I rattled at Wesley as I evaded various punched and kicks. The Guardian kept flashin' looks to Wesley who he couldn't see at all. The confusion on his face was a total kick.

"Boot knocking? Good Lord, Faith. Must you distract the evil man by insulting me?" He asked dryly, as I turned to look at him. "To your right!" He yelled in warning and instantly I turned to the right and caught a punch headin' my way. Still holdin' onto The Guardian's fist I kicked my legs up and over, flippin' over his arm and usin' his own momentum to smash him back into the wall. Right near the closet. "Get him now!" Wesley yelled and I knew exactly what I was gonna do. Time to improvise.

The Guardian sprung back up from the door and made another move to hit me, but now he was wicked sloppy. Gotta be hard bein' a cyclops. Narrowly avoiding his fist I ran towards the wall near the closet. Running up the side of the wall two steps I grabbed the Guardian by the back of his shirt and flung him into the wall. As I made my way down the wall on the other side of him, using his shoulder as support I opened the closet door and thrust his head inside before slamming it shut with all the force in my body.

His body dropped to the ground near my feet, and I could hear the solid thump of his head hittin' the closet floor. Damn. I'm good.

"Feel better?" Wesley asked, steppin' up beside me and lookin' down at the Guardian's body.

"What can I say? I absolutely disdain those who are easily distracted." With a satisfied smirk I turned back to Wesley. "Let's go find May."
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[24 May 2005|02:06am]

[ mood | relieved ]

We got back to the apartment and I let her go on ahead as I stayed outside, watching the sky. There was alot to see now. The stars for one thing. Couldn't really see them before, at least not in the city. Now that I was on the beach, I saw the stars everynight. Made me wonder if my friends were watching down on us, guiding us somehow, but I somewhat thought that that was doubtful. After everything I put them through. Pain, suffering, distrust, doubt they were even thinking about me at all. Of course they weren't, they were all dead. They couldn't think. See, feel, talk, touch ... anything. And it was my fault. Of course it is. I ... wasn't fast enough, quick enough, couldn't figure out what was going on until it was too late.

Before, I would get so mad inside because Wes or Fred had no idea what was going on. They were supposed to, that's what they did and still, they didn't know anything until it was too late, until they died pretty much. Still remember it when it happened to Wes, he knew ... he knew it was time and then that was it. He was gone. I stayed with his body ... just watching him, blaming myself like I am now.

Well, now I was going to figure it out, I had to. For him and Fred, Gunn and the rest of them.

Turning around, I walked back inside and I heard the water coming from the shower. She touched the sick Slayer that was laying in the bed and that made me think if she had it now. She'd been around the others and she didn't get sick yet, but knowing my luck, knowing that she's been around me. She could have it and that'd be something else that I had to remember for the rest of my undead life. Had this thought though that if something happened to Faith. If she didn't survive ... that'd be the end of me too.

Walked over to the bookshelf, looking for the books that we looked at earlier today. Grabbed the one that Faith had been reading and brought it to the couch with me as I sat down, flipping the pages. Every other word, sentence. Pacing myself, I skimmed through the pages trying to find anything that would give me an idea of how to stop this virus from taking everyone. Mean, it took my friends and family, why not save the rest of the world now. That tempted me to just toss the book and not care, but then I heard Faith humming in the shower and that all changed. Couldn't let her suffer. Wouldn't let her suffer.

The Guardian. Think Angel, think. Brought my hand to my mouth while I chewed on the nail of my thumb, trying to figure out what this all means and how we can stop it. Mostly just trying to put two and two together.

Guardian. Chosen. Sick girl.

"Of course they're trying to keep her alive, but ... how?" I muttered and turned my head as I heard the water cut off. She was about to come out any minute. Don't let that distract me.

"Fuck," I whispered and leaned back against the couch.

There's another Slayer because Willow did that spell, right, Buffy told me about that. To make all the potentials... what if this was a consequence. For one thing you put out, something comes back. Always, learned that quick in all my years as a vampire. Now I'm cursed forever. Why would they ...

"We do have to kill her because if she's dead, it would stop because ..." I trailed off and stood up a bit, knocking the book away from me as I did. "All of the Slayers have to die." If color could go from my face, it would just then.

Of course we had to kill May.

But, I also had to kill Faith. Running a hand through my hair slowly, I paused when I saw the door open and her walk out. This couldn't be true.

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I still recall the taste of your tears [04 May 2005|02:14pm]

After our little four hour spurt of distraction, it was time to get down to business. Not that either of us were complainin' about the distraction, but I knew Wes wasn't gonna leave me alone til I checked out this Guardian guy. Also knew that Angel wouldn't be able to rest until he did something about this. There was no one left to protect but he was clinging onto the little bit that was left. I mean, I survived, and there was that chick at the hospital. Occasionally when the two of us wandered through the city we'd be surprised by a survivor, someone breakin' into a shop lookin' for food. We'd also run into a couple people who musta been driven crazy by that whole end of the world thing. Babbling to themselves as they bobbed and weaved through alleyways and streets. It was the end of the world, but there were still a few people left among the dead bodies that still littered the streets. If that was what was gonna keep Soul Boy goin' I wasn't about to complain. He needed something besides the distraction that I could give him.

"Any idea what'll do damage to this guy?" I asked Wesley quietly as Angel stocked up on weapons in the living room. "I mean, I'm not exactly lookin' forward to another stab wound. Gotta be something that'll kill him."

"I haven't found anything quite yet." Wesley admitted looking up from the book that I had opened up for him and left laying on the coffee table. "I'm not entirely certain, but there doesn't seem a feasible way of killing the Guardian. You may have to destroy the thing he is protecting to vanquish him."

"And we still have no idea what that is." I pointed out to him, as I stuffed two stakes into my jacket along with a knife. Maybe I'd break out an axe or a sword too, couldn't hurt anyway. Usually I liked to improvise but I wasn't takin' any chances on this Guardian dude.

"Precisely why you and Angel should follow him. See if you can discover what it is specifically that he is protecting." Wesley nodded at me before glancing down at the text again.

Right. No big. Just find out what this guy's protecting, whatever it was. Then destroy it, however you do that. Easy as wicked difficult pie. Still, I was anxious. Soul Boy agreed to Mexico once we'd sorted out all this Guardian crap. Two of us sippin' margaritas and spendin' our nights skinny dipping in the ocean? I could think of worse ways to live out the rest of my life. However short that might be. Save the rest of humanity, call it a day's work. Not that humanity was really worth saving anyway. Not anymore, not now that we'd managed to kill ourselves off. But I remembered what Wesley had said to me earlier. He thought that it all happened for a reason and it wasn't just cause the government was wicked clueless and let their badass super flu out into the air. Something else had caused it and I had to admit I was almost a little relieved. Supernatural apocalypses? I could deal with that, been dealin' with that for a really long time. When it was just your run of the mill man made kind, that was when things got a little more bleak. Because there wasn't nothin' I could do about those. Wasn't a rocket scientist, wasn't a doctor, wasn't all that smart in the grand scheme of it all. But demons and monsters? I could fight those.

Still, it made my heart ache because if we had known....if we had known about this earlier. Maybe B and I coulda done something about it before it killed off the entire world. Before it killed her. No. No Mexico just yet, cause I had to do this for her. She told me I was the one now and I wasn't gonna let her down, ya know?

It's not about me. Not anymore, Faith.

She was so fucking wrong, cause no matter what happened it was always about her.

"You ready?" Angel asked me as he walked into the room, loaded down with weapons.

"Yep. Axe me." I held out a hand and he tossed an axe toward me. My fingers closed down around the handle of the axe before I dropped my arm and the weapon to my side.

The two of us rode in silence back to the school where we'd gotten our asses kicked twenty four hours ago. Blood still spattered on the sidewalk from where Angel had landed. Ignoring it the two of us walked tentatively inside and just like I thought, the place was totally empty. Nothing but our footsteps echoing hollowly throughout the hallways as we looked around. Chosen. The Guardian. What was it that I was missing?

You're the other one.

Suddenly I heard a skittering in the hallway, like those little spider legs. Angel's fingers clamped down on my arm as he pulled me behind a row of lockers so we'd stay hidden from view. Peeking from around the lockers we watched the Niehr scuttle off towards the door. Swapping a look with Angel, we both followed along behind the demon. Far away enough not to let it know we were followin' it, but close enough that we wouldn't lose it. This little guy was gonna lead us straight to his boss.

We followed him through the city, my fingers tightened around the handle of the axe. Damn, I was anxious to put the smackdown on something. Still sore over the beating I'd taken the night before. All that fighting and no release? Kinda got a girl wicked wound up, ya know? Finally we stopped on the front lawn of a gigantic estate in the nice part of town. Whistling low under my breath I glanced up at the towering mansion as the demon disappeared inside. Angel and I hid behind the hedges as my eyes scanned the yard and the house itself.

"Game plan?" I asked, tilting my chin up to look at Angel. What? It wasn't like we could just bust in there and look for a fight. Well, we could, but we'd probably get our asses kicked again.
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[18 Apr 2005|05:54pm]

I woke up, looking around the room, then at Faith who was still sleeping. She was still here and she didn't leave, not that her getting out of bed wouldn't have woken me up, it's that she didn't try to leave. Why would she anyway? I was all she had left, and she was all I had left. Just figures, I guess. Everyone goes away, everyone dies and it would only be a matter of time until something happened to Faith and then I really was all on my own, by myself again. Not a problem there though, I'm used to it, in one way or another.

Slipping out of bed, I covered her back up and headed out to the kitchen, grabbing a mug and pouring some blood into it before putting it in the microwave. We actually slept a long while and the sun would be going down soon. We slept the whole day away, which was okay I guess, considering I couldn't go outside anyway. The microwave beeped and I took out the mug, swallowing down the thick, coppery liquid before putting the mug in the sink and heading back to the bedroom to grab my scetch pad and pencil. Took another look at her and she seemed peaceful, so I didn't wake her up, she'd wake up soon, I'm sure.

Sitting down against the wall of the front porch, I looked out to the ocean and then down at the scetch pad. Guess I have to have something to do while I wait for her to wake up. When she wasn't here, this is what I pretty much did anyway. Shrugging, I started slicing the pencil's tip along the paper and glancing up at the ocean every now and then. When she got up, we'd talk about researching and planning and everything that we needed to do.

Pretty soon after I had started, I gave up. It didn't look the way that I wanted it to look, it wasn't ... what I saw. It was dreadful and depressing, when it wasn't supposed to be. Annoyed, I crumpled up the paper and tossed it next to me and just leaned back against the wall, waiting for the sun to go down. When it did go down, I got myself up and rubbed my stomach before walking out on the sand. Always loved the beach, didn't quite enjoy it though, I'd much rather be out here in the sunlight, but that ... that wasn't going to happen.

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I would kill for you [03 Apr 2005|03:22am]

I swallowed hard over the lump in my throat as my gaze locked dead on with that....whatever the fuck it was. Super strong with eyes so inky black you couldn't even see the bottom of them. The kinda gaze that stops your heart faster then a blink of an eye and for that one second? You were totally paralyzed. All of the little skittery bug demons turned to stare at me through dark black eyes too and I knew we were in for a serious throwdown. Angel better get his ass up here and give a girl a little backup. And just like that, Soul Boy leapt up over the opening in the floor and landed right next to me. Could feel him tense up next to me as he looked where I was looking.

"Faith." Angel's voice was low in my ear and my attention immediately snapped to where he was looking. A fire hose near the wall. Still there was no way in hell we weren't gonna get scraped up in this fight, specially with that weird black eyed guy. Least I could see up here.

With one sharp nod we both burst into action. Angel's elbow hit the glass case that had the fire axe in it as I unwound the hose quickly. My other hand deftly turning the nozzle just as Angel leapt into the battle wielding the axe. Sharp jabs and long swift swings and heads began to roll. The water began spurting out of the hose, effectively knocking back more of the spider demon things. They weren't all that heavy weight and the water seemed to be doin' a really good job of holdin' 'em back. But they were everywhere, practically swarming over Angel. Just as he killed one, another one crawled up on his back and made a long scratch across his immortal skin.

It suddenly occured to me that I hadn't seen Black Eyed Susan since I'd picked up the hose. Where was he? Got my answer when strong fingers wrapped around the back of my neck and suddenly I was shoved forward so violently that my face hit the wall with a resounding smack. Lost my grip on the firehose as I turned around and looked into those dark black eyes again. Where was Angel? Glancing off to my right I could see the spiders swarming over him. We had to get outta here now. Before I could turn my head again I was met with a backhand across my jaw, knocking me back into the wall.

Hitting the floor hard one of those nasty spider things crawled up on me and bit down hard with fangs into my shoulder. Cursing under my breath I knocked it away from me with my fist before springing back up to my feet. Looking up I didn't see the black eyed guy anymore. Spinning around quickly I watched just as he ran a pipe into Angel's ribcage. Impaling him on it and knocking him backwards as more spiders began to swarm over him. Shit!

Marching over towards him, more spiders began to crawl up to me and I felt one drop on my head. Quickly I grabbed it by its legs and flung it off of me and started using my feet to kick them away. But just as I got rid of some, more started crawling towards me. The sound of glass breaking caught my attention and I looked up just in time to see Angel getting thrown out a window and down to the street below. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. I didn't just survive some badass plague to get smacked down this guy with black eyes.

A gasp escaped my lips as I felt fangs pierce through my boot and into the flesh of my left foot. Ow! Kicking it away I looked up and suddenly he was in front of me again. Angrily I lashed out with a fist only to have him catch it in one hand and powerfully crush it under his grip. My mouth fell open and sound escaped as held on, his gaze never leaving mine. I wasn't supposed to lose! Not here, not fucking now! Suddenly and mercifully the pressure released from my hand as I got tossed back into the same fucking wall again. Cradling my broken hand I looked up through wide dark eyes as he slowly stalked towards me. In one small swift motion there was a knife buried in my abdomen. Same fucking spot, could feel the pain flare up again just like it sometimes did in my dreams. That wasn't his! It wasn't for him! It was the one part I had left of her, couldn't he leave me with that?

Doubling over in pain, I was sure it was all over just as cool fingertips gripped my chin and tilted my face upwards.

"You're the other one." He said in a low dark voice. The other one? What other one? I was the one now, the only one. Everyone else was dead. I didn't know what to say to that, and as it was? I could barely see past the blinding pain in my side where the knife still dug into my flesh. Closing my eyes I doubled over as his fingers disappeared from my skin and just like that he was gone. The skittery spiders crawling along behind him and leaving me, leaning up against the wall and breathing hard. Reaching down I gripped the knife by the handle, the palm of my hand slick with blood as I ripped it out of my skin and dropped it on the floor with a loud clatter.

I wanted to fall over on the floor, but I had to hold it together. Had to go make sure Angel was okay. Get us back to Wesley's place in one piece. I supported myself with one hand on the wall as I staggered out of the old school building and out to the street. Angel was laying on the sidewalk amid a pile of broken glass, tugging a giant pipe out of his midsection. Rough around the edges didn't even begin to describe the way he looked.

"Come on." I said quietly, as I leaned down and wrapped an arm around his waist. With a groan I pulled him up to his feet and walked unsteadily towards the car. Setting him down in the passenger seat, I left bloody handprints on the hood as I walked around to the driver's seat. Nothin' like learnin' to drive with a stab wound. Least this time I was pretty sure I wouldn't end up in an eight month long coma.

Digging in Angel's coat pocket I finally found the keys, and quickly stuck them in the ignition. Closing my eyes, I rested my forehead on the steering wheel for a minute. I thought we were safe now anyway, not that us bein' safe was gonna keep the sun from rising. The last thing I needed was a crispy vampire. Then I really would be alone. Swallowing hard I sat back up and turned the ignition in the car. Guess I didn't have to worry about bein' pulled over since everyone was dead and all.

My foot hit the gas pedal and we pulled out onto the road with a jerk. It wasn't that hard, just press the pedal and turn the wheel. Easy as gettin' stabbed in the gut with a sharp shiny knife.
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When I fall [09 Mar 2005|11:36pm]

"You and Angel?" Familiar green eyes below a raised eyebrow, and I knew exactly who was in the room with us. It was her. Never went very far without her, ya know? Sure you could stab one of us or have one of us jump off a big ass tower to save a sister that wasn't real, but we always found eachother. "Like I didn't see that one coming." She was givin' me that look she usually gave me. The vaguelly disappointed but not surprised look.

"You pissed?" I asked in a hoarse voice as I sat up on the mattress and pulled the comforter around my naked form. "You shouldn't be. You know it's always been about you." Nothin' like a little death to bring out the brutal honesty in a couple superchicks huh?

"I can't lie, I wanted to be." She said with a shrug, as her eyes trailed back to Angel's sleeping form laying on the bed. "But I'm not. You both deserve a little happiness. Anyways that's not why I'm here."


"It's your turn, Faith. Little Miss Muffet, remember? Counting down from 7-3-0? The time for the sun is over, now it's time for darkness to shine. You know what you have to do."

"Could you vague that up for me, B?" Raising an eyebrow at her, I watched as the green sparkled and pale hair shone in the bright sunlight streaming through the window.

"It's not about me. Not anymore, Faith."

With a start, I sat up in bed and let my eyes take in the sunlight that was barely streamin' in around the edges of the wicked girly curtains Wes had hangin' up in his bedroom. Just curtains. Curtains, and clothes, and Wesley's things but no Buffy.

Damn. That was a hell of a dream for real. Ya know, that's the thing about these slayer dreams. No matter how long you had 'em, no matter what you see in 'em, they always throw you for a serious loop. Leavin' you all shaky and sweaty instead of just up and pumped like I usually was when I woke up at around the crack of noon. And I just had to have a dream about her. Almost made me wonder if those powers that screw with you sittin' in their big fancy power clouds or whatever the fuck were tryin' to make me pay. Pay for that one second of forgetting. One moment of shivering quaking bliss, tingling from your toes all the way up to your fucking scalp and back again. Such a small moment if you really thought about it. Didn't seem fair. Then again, when had things in my life ever been fair? Somehow I don't think the ptbs are really givin' a shit about Faith now or ever.

A small smile tainted the corners of my lips as I looked down at the sleeping face next to me. Hey, I'd done one thing right. Hadn't killed Soul Boy, let him help me on the road to redemption or whatever the hell it was I was doin'. Because if I had? Well, I'd be shit outta luck right about now.

So weird when you thought about it. Almost my whole life I got nothin' right? No pals, no doting mom, no kid sis hangin' off my shirt worshippin' every damn thing I did or say. Naw. Just got me. For awhile it was all I needed, and then I meet B and Angel, and the rest of the good guys. And I could never see a way in for me, not with Buffy around. So I tried to kill Angel, and he finally got through to me. Told me he could help me, set me on the right path and I guess I just never had anyone else do that for me before. By the time I got outta jail things were mad different. First time ever? I didn't wanna be alone. Which worked out wicked good considerin' the first mackdaddy of all evil needed to be smacked down and B really didn't have a choice but let me back into her little gang of scoobies.

When B....when Buffy died, I gotta say I didn't have one fucking clue what to do. It was weird, cause when I left Cleveland I didn't know where I was even goin'. Didn't know til I ended up in L.A. lookin' for Angel. Now I'd found him, now I didn't have to be alone anymore.

Plus the superpower sex? Got no complaints at all, and good for me I apparently couldn't give him a happy like B could. Weird when you thought about it. That thought shouldn't make me jealous, should make me overwhelmingly happy that I wasn't gonna have to stake a psycho. But it made me jealous anyway. I could have his body, but Buffy'd always have his heart. Even though she was dead and gone she was still here, like the ghost sleepin' between us in Wesley's bed.

With a frown, I pulled the comforter back as Angel turned over in his sleep and mumbled a little bit before gettin' quiet again. When he seemed to have drifted back off I pulled on my leather pants and top and started searchin' around for a comb. Opening the nightstand drawer I stopped short when I saw what was in it. A drawing. Some kinda artsy sketch thing. Hell, I never even finished high school and I wouldn't know good art if someone showed it to me, but I knew enough to recognize what it was. It was a pencil sketch of me. Sitting on the bed naked, a cigarette pressed between two fingers and a slight smirk on my face. My eyes went from the paper over to Angel's back and then back to the paper again. He'd stayed up after I went to bed and drawn this. Almost made a girl get wicked sappy.


A small smile played over my mouth as I stuck the piece of paper back in the drawer and closed it quietly. Snaking a cigarette out of my back pocket, I lit it up before walking out through the kitchen and onto the back porch. Sitting on the steps, I watched the surf of the ocean crash against the shore. Digging my toes into the sand I let the sun warm my feet as I waited for night to fall.
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[23 Feb 2005|10:19pm]

I thought I was a hero, I've been told that I was, that I am, but I don't feel it. If I was, then five weeks ago, I would have been able to save my friends. Three weeks ago was the last, when Wesley died. I was there with him until the end, he even had a shot before he went, my scotch, except he poured something in it, something that would make the pain go away and I let him. Wesley and I watched as one by one they all went. First was Fred, then Lorne, then Gunn. Then it got to Wesley and I knew that right then, things would never be the same.

When Fred first noticed that patch that was on her already pale skin, she joked, wondering what Cordelia would say. She excused herself and told us she had to go moisturize, then we found out it was something worse. Gunn had them, as did Lorne. I still haven't managed to figure out why it didn't happen to me. And now that I'm sitting here on the beach, alone, I'm still wondering why, I can still see Fred's tears that were streaming down her face till the very end, I could still hear Lorne singing his favorite song as he slowly slipped under and Gunn telling us that he'd see us when we got there.

Then it was just Wes and I.

The last two that no one would expect to be paired up, back in Sunnydale anyway. Alot had changed through the years and even though we had our differences, I could say that he was a good friend. I would come in and bring him his soup and tea while he laid there, muttering words under his breath about the soup. It wasn't hot enough, or it didn't taste right and then he'd smile. The last night, I was having a drink and he asked for one, saying he knew it was coming, he could feel it. I could feel it for awhile, but I tried to be somewhat positive, or as positive as I could be. He asked for me to get the small bottle that was on the dresser. I knew what it was, I didn't want to believe it, but it was happening. Nodding, I walked over slowly, looking at the bottle before I grabbed it.

"Don't be a bloody idiot, put it in the glass and hand it to me," I whispered to myself as I watched the waves crashing against the rocks and sand. I could still remember it, his cold skin, dead, glossy eyes. I poured it in and sat down on the side of the bed, helping him sit up. I remember him nodding at me, telling me that it was an honor working for me. I didn't cry. I haven't cried. I can't cry, but all I can do is remember as he took the glass, swallowing it down. Before his head fell back, his fingers let go of the glass and I still remember it crashing to the floor. I can still hear it. The silence, then the shattering that echoed throughout the room.

He was gone and it was just me.

I watched him for hours that night, stayed next to him as he laid there.

Standing up from the sand, I turn around, heading back to the small apartment that he died in.

His apartment.
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